Most cultures around the world place a high value on woman's virginity. In India, most men will prefer to marry a virgin girl. Virginity has become a symbol of woman's virtue.
People believe that women who are not virgin before marriage will continue with the same behaviour after marriage and enter into extra marital affairs. This is a false assumption. A woman might have lost virginity during a genuine relationship in the past and that's completely acceptable. Things might have not worked out and she or her ex might have broken up the relationship. Sex is a natural thing. How can someone decide character of a person based on whether she had sex before marriage or not? In today's world, it is a wise idea to date a person whom you consider a marriage prospect for a considerable period of time to find out compatibility. And when two straight people of opposite gender spend time together, intimacy is bound to happen. To look at non-virgin women through purity lens is disrespectful and discriminatory.
The point is, why it is okay for men to sleep around with girlfriends or prostitutes before marriage but the same person will want a virgin bride? This is patriarchy and objectification of women. If the men himself is virgin, it is alright if he wants a virgin wife. After all marriage is a contract and you have 100% authority to choose who you want to share your life with. The problem is there is no sure way to find out whether a girl is virgin or not.
Not bleeding during first time sex or having a broken hymen doesn't necessarily mean a woman has lost her virginity. A woman's hymen can be ruptured by activities like intense sports, exercising or masturbation. Some girls don't even have a hymen by birth. And what is exact definition of virginity? Does it only mean penetrative sex? What if the hymen is intact but she has had foreplay or oral sex? The only way you will find out whether a woman is virgin or not is if she reveals it herself. Very few girls will let you know that she lost her virginity because of societal pressure or to save her marriage life. And if she is honest enough to reveal the truth, why will you want to lose such an honest person just because of her past?
Virginity is a myth. What is really important for both partners is to be honest and admit to past relationships before marriage. And both partners should only get married if they have moved on from their past relationships if any. Remember, virginity is not the criteria to base a happy marriage on. Honesty, trust, respect and loyalty are far more important traits that both partners should possess. What really matters is Loyalty after commitment and not the past.
- Akash U. Shastri
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